Couples Therapy
This is not the marriage you signed up for.
A lot has happened since the day you said, “I do.” The vision you had for marriage is nothing like what you’re living today. Maybe it’s generally good overall, but you feel stressed, misunderstood, and disconnected at times. The mountain of commitments seems to grow daily and you’re overwhelmed trying to meet everyone’s expectations. You want to enjoy marriage again. You want to feel like you and your spouse are in this together.
Maybe it’s more than that. Maybe things are a complete disaster. You thought your marriage was standing on solid ground, but now it feels like a sinkhole. There’s been infidelity, porn, secrets, lies, betrayal ... Everything you thought you had was taken away in a heartbeat. And now you’re heartbroken. You’re not sure whether your marriage can survive - or even if you want it to.
You can have the marriage you want. I’ll help you create it.
We tend to think that family life comes naturally; that it’s intuitive to have good communication and problem-solving skills. But it’s not! Family life is usually “caught not taught.” We inherently repeat the patterns we grew up with - good and bad.
Creating a healthy marriage and family is an intentional process with many iterations. We have to be flexible enough to adapt, yet stable enough to last.
Here’s how couples therapy can help:
identify & strengthen what is working in your marriage
practical ways to reconnect & appreciate each other in daily life
create space for you to respond instead of react to each other
resolve conflict with win-win solutions
restore (or remodel) your vision for meaning in your life and marriage
How Couples Therapy Works
In Gottman Method Couples Therapy, we do 3 assessment sessions. The first meeting is with both of you and covers your history together & current struggles.
You will then complete the Gottman Relationship Checkup before individual meetings with Heather to review individual concerns.
In our fourth session, we’ll review the Relationship Checkup, explain the Sound Relationship House, and cover the strengths & weaknesses in your relationship.
Then we will decide our goals for therapy and create a plan to achieve those goals.
This is where the rubber meets the road. We will spend several weeks to months working on your relationship goals. This will include lots of learning, practicing skills, working through conflicts, etc.
I use lots of examples to help illustrate how to use these skills in everyday life.
We’ll check in with your goals about once every 3 months to make sure we’re moving in the right direction. If new problems arise or another area of focus is needed, we will adjust our goals and continue our work together.
Some couples resolve their primary concerns in 4-6 months, while others stay with me for several years or return to therapy as needed over time.
Therapy for Sex Addiction & Betrayal Trauma
Sex Addiction
Some call it sex addiction, others prefer to say out-of-control sexual behavior. Either way, there are sexual behaviors that are ruining your marriage and you want it to stop.
Betrayal Trauma
Your spouse has done the unthinkable. Whether it’s an affair (or many), porn use, paying for sex, dating apps, or emotional infidelity, you have been betrayed.
Schedule a Consultation
FAQs
Is couples therapy covered by insurance?
It depends. Insurance covers therapy that is “medically necessary” - meaning that one or both partners meets criteria for a mental health diagnosis (that person is the “identified patient”). There are dozens of health plans, so it’s important that you contact your insurance provider to determine the specific benefits of your plan.
I am currently a private-pay, out-of-network provider. While I don't accept insurance directly, your insurance plan may have out-of-network benefits, which means that they will reimburse you for a portion of our session cost.
I have partnered with Thrizer to handle the out-of-network process automatically for you. With Thrizer, you will only have to pay a copay for our sessions, instead of paying my full fee and waiting for reimbursements. This typically allows clients to save on average 70% upfront on our sessions. During our intake process, I can help you verify if you have out-of-network benefits and how much your copay would be.
If you have a Blue Cross Blue Shield Plan, you will have to pay my full fee and will receive a paper check reimbursement in a few weeks.
What is the cost of therapy?
I see all clients for 50 minute sessions, which are $200. I also offer longer sessions or intensives for couples who want to resolve as much as possible quickly.
How often will we meet?
To start, we will meet weekly. I recommend weekly sessions for at least 10-12 weeks to ensure that we’re meeting our goals. From there, we will evaluate goals and adjust meeting frequency if needed. Many couples will continue to meet with me once of twice a month for several months to continue their progress.
We need help with sex addiction. How long will we meet?
Recovery for sex addiction and betrayal trauma takes time. There are many variables that determine the length of treatment, but overall, you can expect therapy to last 18 months - 3 years.
My spouse isn’t interested in therapy. How can I get them to go?
This is very common and often stems from either misconceptions about therapy or negative past experiences with therapy. You can’t make your spouse participate in therapy (at least not in a meaningful way). But there are a few things you can do:
go to therapy yourself to gain skills to be a healthier partner (seeing you change might convince them to try it too)
ask them to listen to a podcast or book and discuss it together
express that their agreement to try therapy for a few weeks would mean a lot to you and you’d appreciate their effort
Finally, it has been my experience that men in particular expect to “be the bad guy” in therapy. That’s not what you’d get from me. I firmly believe that each person brings strengths and weaknesses to the relationship and it’s often the interplay that brings people into therapy. I can help you change that dynamic.